Today is my birthday 23. Or I would be if I hadn’t died. There, the died word over and done with in the first line. My mum thinks I am 9. A cutesy little 9 year old stuck in her head. Sometimes she wonders if I would be a goth by now! If I would rebel, if I would like boys or like girls, if I would have a kid of my own or be a rocket scientist. Although a note there, you can be a rocket scientist and have a kid!
There is the wondering. What about the now?
Where am I?
Who am I?
What am I doing?
That’s the stuff I want to talk to my mum about right here in this page
So it’s my birthday. But my birthday for you right? There is no time – remind me to come back to that on another blog – there is no time on the other side so to me it just ‘is’. The flowers and stuff are for you not for me, I don’t need stuff you get that right? If it makes you happy do all the birthday stuff you want to do but if it makes you sad don’t do it too.
Now for me the birthday gift is this blog! I get to talk to my mum and she gets to actually listen. Listen without second guessing, did I hear that right, was it me, was it wishful thinking? All the stuff we know you all do. If you hear it, trust it listen to it. We play with electrics , it’s easy to do and easy for you to spot. Woah, see that, did that really happen? But a blog? That may be a little harder for me to create but harder still would be getting my mum to find the right blog, to see it and to follow it. Now if she writes it for me she gets to read it back and can’t second guess what I said to her, to you. Patience, I could write pages on waiting for my mum to hear and see what I have to say, something about the patience of saints would not be out of order here. I know she will hear and actually listen eventually but sometimes it is hard work.
Listen, listen to the breeze, the song on the wind. We are in it, only ever a breath away as my mum loves to say – don’t think you thought that up mother dearest! Take time and patience to listen and feel. You will hear and you will know us as we are, as we all really are.
My mum can tell you she has lost this three times, but I can tell you she has now heard what I really want to say.
Happy Birthday to me and Love to all that find me.